Bored
by belle-fille1
Summary: Comedy, what else can I say? Read and find out for yourselves . . . hint: involves my favorite character . . .
1. Prologue: My Life

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh!

I know I still have to update my other stories but I haven't been inspired. This idea popped into my head after I was struggling to write my other stories. Hopefully I can use this story to get myself back into writing for my other stories. This fanfic is a comedic one, and hopefully you'll like it. It is a crossover of Janet Evanovich and Yu-gi-oh!. The heroine is Tea but the humor is pure Evanovich.

Prologue: My Life

Hi, my name is Tea Gardener. Most of you know me as Yu-gi's sidekick cheerleader. Well, lets just say that I really resent that. Do you know how hard it is to stay by my friend's side 24/7? And whenever the beautiful blonde Mai shows up, it seems like everyone with the XY chromosome forgets about me. I mean, hello, I do have some chest, and my figure isn't that bad. But back to the point. I never realized just _what _I was doing to myself. It was one of those epiphany moments where you're all alone by yourself and you start to look at all the accomplishments that you've done in your life. And guess what I found out . . . that I didn't really have an actual accomplishment that I could be proud of. Sure sticking by your friends is great and all, but I was still unsatisfied, like I was wishing that I could be or do something else.

So I'm sitting there in front of the TV, just flipping though channels when I come across one of those wannabe western films where the knight in shining armor -except he's waving a lasso instead of a sword- rescues the gorgeous damsel in distress. Then I think to myself, wouldn't it be great if I could be somebody's hero? Then my mind starts to wander off in one of those forbidden sections of my brain, you know, the part where you still think you can fly and become Superman. Right away, my mind started flashing warning signs to me, but desolate as I was over my life, I plowed on ahead.

A hero . . . me, Tea Gardener, Superhero extraordinaire . . . I have to say, I liked the ring of it. That was when the 'moment' in my life occurred. The one where you look back and you say to yourself, what the hell was I thinking? A cheesy advertisement displaying a corny looking guy who looked like he worked for a gang flashed on the television screen. It was an ad for anybody interested in becoming a security guard, and it promised instant money. Of course they added a really fast blurb saying that they would not be responsible for any injuries, assaults, deaths, etc . . .

Now, I thought, protecting good citizens is kind of like a protector of some sorts. I know, I know, I was digging myself in very large hole -no, not just a hole, a big honking warp hole. I mean, I'll be real with you. It's very hard for a girl to do this sort of job, especially when it involves strenuous activity. Yes, I believe in girl power, yada yada, and I'm all for it, but what if a two-hundred or three-hundred guy pound comes after me, fists swinging? I wouldn't last a few seconds with him! Perhaps it was the heat or the soda I was drinking, but I picked up the phone and dialed the number that was plastered on the TV in big ol' yellow letters. And in a few moments . . . I had a job as a security guard at a local restaurant.

Hoo boy, I thought to myself, what have I done now.

Next Chapter is Up!!!


	2. Just One Fine Day

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh!

Chapter One: Just One Fine Day

The next day I woke up at 8:00 AM sharp. Time to show the world what Tea can really do. I donned on my special 'badass' outfit, all solid black except for the hat. It had a Hello Kitty sucking a lollipop on the corner of the brim. Nothing like disorienting a man by presenting a hard, deadly appearance and then confusing them by showing a little feminine side.

Holding the directions to the restaurant that went by the name of Ringley's Famous Burgers that I got from the internet, I hopped on the bus and I was off to my new future.

The bus rolled onto a dingy street surrounded by cramped houses and cluttered yards. Warily, I got off, and re-checked the map. I was going to work in this neighborhood?

"No," I said out loud, "You can do this. Remember, you're a Gardener, and that means you can do anything." Yeah right, and pigs can fly.

I walked a couple of blocks before I saw it. It was the most hideous excuse of a restaurant I had ever seen. The restaurant looked like it was going to collapse at any moment. But then cooking smells wafted over in my direction and my stomach grumbled. Suddenly I didn't care what it looked like, all I knew was that it smelled soo good.

Then the screen door pushed outwards with a bang, and a small man about my height walked out. He had on a striped gray suit, sweat trickling down his forehead. He was talking on his cell phone, something about the girl wasn't here.

"Excuse me," I said politely, "Do you know-"

Immediately he whirled around with a scowl on his face, then his face lit up. "Good! You're here." Seeing my confused look, he elaborated. "I'm the guy you talked to on the phone. This will be the place where you work. Its pretty simple, you just stand here and watch who comes in and who comes out. Just be on the lookout for any shady looking characters loitering the streets."

"Errr . . .okay," I said cautiously. "How about my payment and the equipment you said you'd supply for me?"

He waved a sweaty palm toward a broken-down Buick parked in front of the store. "I'll get it for you in a jiffy. You'll get paid if you do your job. As long as there's no trouble, the check will come in every week. Good, eh?" He quickly jerked the trunk of the rusting car and pulled out a large box. "Everything you need is in here."

I peeped into the box, and my eyes widened. It was filled with all sorts of gadgets with white labels pasted to the handles of all of them. A girl could get used to these things.

Quickly he jumped into the car and roared off, leaving a cloud of fumes and dust behind him. It was as if he didn't want to stay in this part of town too long.

"Well thanks for the lovely good-bye," I grumbled as I lifted the box from the ground.

"Excuse me?" I called out from outside. "Can someone open the door for me? I'm the security guard they sent for me."

A middle-aged heavyset woman with an open face pushed the screen door back. "Oh hello, my name is Ayume. I'm glad that the agency got us a security personnel so quickly. We've been having problems with drive-by shootings and recently there's been some gang activity."

Suddenly my mouth and throat went dry. "Uhh . . ." I said with trepidation, sounding like a horse, "Guns? Gang activity?"

She looked back at me, "Well of course. Didn't you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, he might've said something like that to me," I said in a high-pitched voice. "Hehe, gangs . . ."

Ayume clucked her tongue, "Yes, I think there's been a gang turf war going on. Its been very bad on business. And we're the best in town."

I barely noticed what she was saying, all that was running through my head was me lying on the floor with a whole bunch of pimply faced boys with guns pointed at my head.

She pushed me gently toward the restroom, "You can change into your stuff in there."

Nodding my head stupidly, I managed to walk into the toilet room without collapsing. Once the swinging door shut behind me, I immediately sat down on the tiled floor.

I'm going to get killed, I thought with certainty. Hero, my ass! But if I was going to get killed, I at least was going to put up a fight.

Gingerly I put on the Kevlar vest and utility belt. I felt like I was in one of those sumo wrestling suits that you wear at a party. A stun gun was strapped to my left, handcuffs behind my back, and a gun that said .38 in white letters on the side of the barrel on my right.

Grasping a black baton, I strode out of the bathroom feeling a little safer. As I positioned myself outside the store, I noticed that my presence was being felt. Pedestrians would give me a side-long look as they walked past me into the store.

Yeah, that's right. I'm here in town, so you better watch out!

Suddenly a spindly looking kid between the age of 15 to 20 sauntered up to me. "Nice looking stick you have there," he said casually.

I gave him the look over. He had shaved his head completely except for the flaring Mohawk and dressed in the current fashion of baggy everything.

"Thank you," I said graciously, after all, no need to be impolite even though I was armed and ready to kick some gangsta butt.

He grinned, "Do you wanna see my stick?" he said leering.

For a brief second, I toyed with the idea of whacking him on the side of the head with my baton but decided against it. I didn't think the police or Ayume would approve of the idea of me attacking an unarmed person.

"Your mama might, but I don't," I shot back, then bit my lip. Oh that's _great_ Tea. Now you're probably gonna have to smack him for sure when he goes after you.

Immediately he scowled and spit at my feet. "What'd you just say?" he said belligerently, getting in to my face.

"Um, I said your mama needs to see you at home because you forgot to do the chores." I looked back at him using my 'intimidating' look, making my face all stiff and practically crossing my eyes at him while my inside turned to jelly.

"You on drugs or something," he demanded, "You look like you just got stoned. And nobody disses my-" He broke off as he saw several Escalades blaring out some music drive down the street, the base vibrating the cars. "Shit, the Bloodhounds are here, your lucky that they came or else," he pounded a fist into his palm and tore off.

Oh crap, I thought frantically, the gang is here! On the opposite side of the street, several big, big SUVs came rolling down with the same kind of music.

I stood stock still, sweat trickling down my face as I watched with wide eyes as the cars slowly stopped and met each other in the middle.

The guys in the front cars of both sides jumped out and started doing their 'macho' gangster stuff. Listening to them made my ears burn, they were talking smack about each others families and insulting the way each other were dressed.

Soon it appeared that a gunfight was brewing as more and more teenagers jumped out.

"You think this is your turf? Man, you don't even know what you got into."

"Oh yeah, well take a look at this gun. Change your mind?"

Quickly praying to all the gods in the world of every religion, I quickly walked over to them.

"Ah . . .excuse me, sirs," I said carefully, trembling as they all turned their eyes on the outsider. "I was wondering if you could take your . . .um. . . .conflict somewhere else. It'd be safer for the community."

Like they'd care.

"Woman, you'd better get outta the way before you get shot!" a man demanded to me.

"Erk .. .um. . . But I think someone called the police and you guys will get in trouble," I said swiftly. Boy was I winging it.

A ripple ran through the crowd, I guess the only thing they feared was the red, white, and blue lights of a cop car.

The guy on the side of the Escalades threw a middle finger at the guys in the SUVs. "Don't think this is over, fools!" he yelled. "Bloodhounds will always rule over the Death Rings!

The ring leader of the Death Rings, sneered and mockingly squawked like a chicken. "Bwak, bwak, bwak, is somebody scared and running back to their mommy?"

Ooh, I winced, that wasn't good. It seemed like the topic of mothers was a favorite topic for insults.

"Hey I know a joke about mothers," I quipped weakly, attempting to delay the inevitable fight. "Why did the mom walk across the road?"

They ignored me, probably figuring out that I wasn't actually a real security officer. "What'd ya say?" The leader of the Bloodhounds said, pushing the other guy back. "Say that again?"

Just as things were about to get ugly, I heard sirens from the distance. Immediately both sides jumped into their cars and roared off. I just stood there with my eyes closed, waiting for a bullet to knock me out. 

When everything seemed to quiet down, I opened my eyes. Nothing. No police cars and no gangs. Whatever crime was going on in this side of town that needed the attention of the police, it managed to prevent an all-out shooting.

I fell to my knees, _thank you_, I mouthed up to whoever was up there. I shakily walked back to my post, one crisis averted. All I knew was that they were going to have to pay me a lot for this day.

Suddenly someone tapped me on my shoulder. I shrieked and jumped around, almost wetting my pants.

"Aw dang," I moaned aloud, "Not another one of you! You guys are like frickin' cockroaches, how many of you guys are there?"

The pimply-faced guy stared down at me, and I immediately wished that I had shut my mouth. He was about a foot taller than me, and my eyes dropped down to the holster on the side of his belt.

Holy crap, oh holy, oh holy, I couldn't finish the sentence. He has a gun! The little girl in me wailed and hid. Mommmmyyy!!!

"I'm part of the Bloodhound gang, fool, and you just lied to us. There wasn't any cops," he said menacingly, stepping closer to me.

"Eh . . .eh he . . . Now lets not get to close. You don't want to invade someone's private space," I said, stepping back.

"Who are you, Miss Wannabe Hero?" he sneered, matching my step back.

"Well," I said apologetically in a placating tone, "Yeah, sorta. I just sorta thought, you know what, I wanna become a security officer because I wanna be looked up to. But then, you see-" I was rambling on and on, hoping he would think me as a nutcase and walk away. But as luck would have it, it wasn't going to be the case.

"Well," he snarled, giving me the look over, "Guess we're gonna have to teach you a lesson. Bloodhounds don't like being lied too."

"Now, now," I held my hands loosely, "Don't get all hoity-toity to me, mister. I know your, uhh . . I know your parents. And let me tell you, I -ULP!"

He suddenly held me by the collar of my shirt.

"Hey, I resent that!" I yelled in fear. Then I mentally smacked myself. Hellooo, I had a stun gun.

I quickly grasped the gun and pressed the button. The only problem was that I had touched the wrong end to his side.

God, don't judge me too harshly, I thought as there was a bright flash in front of my eyes and then darkness.

I woke up to a damp cloth being pressed on to my forehead. I saw three Ayume faces in front of me, then the image sharpened and my eyes focused.

"Oh good, you're awake," she said in relief. She pulled me up into a sitting position. Around me were several of the workers and diners.

I flushed in embarrassment and wished a big hole could swallow me up.

"Now honey," she said, "The guy left, but it must've been some fight. We saw you confront the man and then you went down. We didn't want to go outside just in case you guys were going at it but when there was silence, we saw you on the floor and the guy gone."

Now I flushed guiltily, they thought I had chased the guy away during my 'fight'. Boy were they way off. But appearances had to be made.

"Ahem, yes. Well, it was sorta rough on me," I mumbled, getting too my feet. "I'll just be going back to work."

"Oh of course," she nodded her head in understanding. Hands patted me on my back as I heard comments of, "Good, finally we can be safe," being bandied around.

Reluctantly I stood outside, trying to blot out the embarrassing picture. From the corner of my eye, I saw a couple of shady looking people gathering around a house, looking at me.

Gulp!

In what seemed like forever, the store finally closed.

"I want to thank you for your good work today," Ayume said as she locked the front door. "I made you some food, it's Chinese."

Ooh! Food! I thankfully took the bag and watched as she drove away. Then started to run hell for leather told the bus stop. I heard a shout go up and I turned to look back. I saw the first boy that had so elegantly put how he wanted me to see his 'stick', leading the group.

"Yikes!" Then my savior came driving by. The enigmatic and dark Bakura came driving by in his black Corvette, looking sexy as hell.

I saw him look at the pack of boys after my tail, and I realized that he had no idea who I was. Well, duh, Tea, since when did you decide to change your vocation, I yelled at myself.

I veered off and ran toward him, waving my arms frantically.

He arched an eyebrow at me, starting to speed up.

"NOOOOO!" I screamed at him, "IT'S ME, TEA!"

He blinked at me in surprise but slowed down. "And just why should I let you in my car, Gardener?" His voice was dripping with mockery and amusement. Oh he thought he was really funny, didn't he.

"Damn it," I hissed, puffing behind his car, "You can obviously see my predicament here." I wasn't being Miss Nice Girl here, I was a woman in trouble and I didn't care what happened but I needed to get outta that place before gangsta boys reached me.

I turned to look back and they were closing in. "They're like a pack of rabid dogs," I moaned, then turned back to Bakura who was speeding away.

"Hey!" I hollered at him, taking out my gun. "You don't wanna mess with me, I have a gun you know!"  
He slowed down again, "The thing is, is that do you know how to use it?"

"No, but I'd be willing to try it out on your lovely car there."

The Corvette screeched to a halt and I jumped in. "You do know, Gardener, that I could have you arrested for attempted assault with a weapon."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Save me the bull, Bakura, I'm not in a good mood right now."

I looked in the mirror and saw that the guy had jumped into a car, with four other guys piling in. "Step on it!" I screamed.

"Christ," he muttered as we shot off, "Why the hell are you even in this place?"

I saw the person sitting on the passenger side, lean out the window, reminding me of a dog sticking his head out of the car, except without the cuteness of a dog.

"Hey wait a minute . . . Did he just pull out a gun?" The hairs on my neck prickled, it was gonna be a drive-by shooting!

I fumbled with my gun and aimed it back at them.

"Hey," Bakura gave me a side-long look, "What are you doing. Hey, hey! What's with the-" He then saw the guys behind us as a gun shot sounded. The car swerved throwing me to the side, and my finger accidentally pulled the trigger, hitting a vacant car on the right.

"Oops, darn thing can't aim straight."

"Oops?" Bakura snarled, "If they hit my car, you're going to the Shadow Realm and don't think that I won't put you there."

The car veered side to side as more shots rang out from behind us. I could practically feel the bullets brush past my nose, but amazingly enough, the car remained unblemished.

I closed my eyes and squeezed the trigger, opening them after the bullet was fired. Darn, I missed.

"What do you think you're doing?" he hissed angrily, "You're closing your eyes when you fire?" His face was one of disbelief.

"Well, what am I supposed to do," I retorted grouchily, pushing some hair out of my eyes. "I don't know how to shoot. And besides, how the heck are you going to send me off to the Shadow Realm without your item? Shadi has them all now."

His response was to speed up even faster. Suddenly he smiled, one of those Cheshire cat smiles.

"What're you thinking," I demanded. That smile reminded me of a boy thinking of an evil plot.

"I'm merely entertaining the thought of you falling out of the car at this speed."

Oh great, now I had to worry about the insane madman next to me as well as the guys chasing us.

Suddenly a red light appeared in front of us. Bakura slowed down as he looked for a way to get past the red.

"No, no, no, no, don't stop!" I cried.

"Unless you think of a better way to get past this light, mortal," he said through gritted teeth, "Just shut up."

The guys screeched to the next lane, inching closer and closer.

"Oh freaking hell, oh, oh maaaaaan." I unloaded everything I had at the tires, I didn't really want to kill them. I could see local headlines now. Teenage girl kills several gangsters.

Their car sputtered to a stop as smoke rolled out from beneath the hood of the car. Cursing they jumped out just as the light turned green.

I whooped, shaking my fist in the air. The gangsters suddenly hurled themselves from their car as the car exploded in merry flames of red and yellow.

I smiled, my heartbeat hammering in my chest, a funny drumming echoing in my ears. "Just like Christmas," I said breathlessly.

As we sped away, the boys flicked me off, yelling epithets at me.

"Same to your motherrrr!" I hollered back. I couldn't help myself. I just cheated death about a gazillion times today. I was on an adrenaline high, my fear and terror being replaced by a happiness and freedom.

"You're crazy," Bakura said flatly. "And believe me, I will never, ever, come here again. You can get yourself killed for all I care."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. "I'm not coming back here again. Oh wait, I can't. I get my check weekly, and I'm going to make sure I get paid for today."

"Your funeral," he replied.

Yeah, whatever. I was alive and that was all that mattered.

Wrote the prologue and this chapter in one day. I tried to capture Evanovich's humor but hopefully it is a little different than hers. The plot is loosely based on her novels except with my own spin. I used a bit of my own sarcasm and some of hers. Tell me what you think. Belle-fille1


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